Comment: Yesterday, on the sunny side of life

Before the morning sun warmed up for the day, a white-truck with two big megaphones sticking out from the back began driving round and round the island. A woman’s voice, shrill, almost hysterical, called out to ‘all ye citizens’ and ‘the entire Maldivian Ummah’ to attend a Jumhoree Party rally at 9:00 in the evening. Her voice forced its way into my mind like a buruma [drill], resistance was futile. Jumhoree Party (JP) is contesting the election results, as everyone in Male’ knows by now; whether they want to or not.

Just in case the drill had missed a few heads, JP organised a press conference around noon. Ibrahim Khaleel, JP spokesperson and Ilham Ahmed, PPM MP for Gemanafushi constituency, led the affair. According to Khaleel, JP has a whole army of experts, ‘even foreign experts!’, scrutinising the results ‘on behalf of the people’. They have allegedly found 20,000 more votes than there are eligible voters. Over five hundred of them were dead. The rest may have been foreigners or aliens, or perhaps jinnis or even cursed coconuts.

Khaleel, a former TV presenter Qasim has bought for an undisclosed amount of money, was outraged on behalf of his Master. ‘Even my name, my name, already had a tick against it when I got to the polling booth’, he said. For a millisecond I thought his name was on the ballot paper itself. But, no, it was on the voter registry, audaciously and fraudulently ticked by some devious Elections Commission secret agent before Khaleel cast his vote. Didn’t these people know who Khaleel is? Perhaps they aren’t on Facebook, some users of which are reportedly rather intimately acquainted with Khaleel.